The Hardest Part

I've been trying to find rest during this stage of the adoption process, but it is hard. I've been trying to have faith in God's provision, in His time.

You all have blessed us tremendously with your financial, emotional and physical support to our family as we chase after Jesus and His plan to bring Caroline home. You have donated money, let us talk, and have even watched our kids for us as we do "stuff" for this adoption. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You have been tangible reminders for us of God's continued hand on this process, and for that we are so very thankful.

If you haven't purchased a shirt yet and would like to, click here and follow through to our GoFundMe. All you have to do is make a minimum $25 donation, and either email or PM me via Facebook or Instagram your size(s) and mailing address and I will order them all together at the end of the campaign.

Adoption is harder than I thought it would be. We have to sacrifice a lot, and it's been a wonderful measuring stick: do I want to buy this shirt (or home decoration, etc) more than I want to bring Caroline home? Nope! She's helped us get our priorities straight, and has taught us to value a life more than on a possession.

My sister just had her precious baby boy a week ago (time FLIES!) and it's been so hard to not be there. I wish more than anything I was there, or were going there soon, but I've had to do a lot of self talk: Turner has a mom and dad, and a family, and is being so cared for. I can love him as much as I do as his auntie, but I am not his mom, and by the grace of God, he is safe and sound and loved. Caroline Mercy is still orphaned. It creates this urgency in me, that even when my heart so longs for "home" and the people I miss so much, this little girl's life it on the line. Thank you, God, for perspective.

The hardest part of this process so far that I've found is having to "hurry up and wait." Everything in an adoption feels urgent, but once I've completed my part, it's 100% out of my control and I need to shift gears back to waiting and resting mode, and it's SO hard to do.

We were rushing, rushing, rushing to get our home study completed so we could submit our grant applications and submit our I-800A (our request for immigration approval to bring a child into the country as our child permanently). Now that those are done, we just WAIT... and if you know me even in the slightest, you know how terrible I am at waiting. I get things DONE, and when I can't do anything it's ridiculously impossible for me to sit and twiddle my thumbs. I need to feel like I'm doing SOMETHING to speed it along, but it's teaching me so much to have to rest and wait and trust.

I keep trying to remind myself that along with praying for this process to be quick and smooth, praying for Caroline's body and mind, we've also been praying that God would prepare her to come home. So perhaps, the timing is slowing down a bit so her little heart and mind may be more ready to come home, and have a family to love her and welcome her as a beloved daughter.

Will you continue to pray for/with us? Here are a couple of ways that you can join along side us before the Throne:

1) Please pray over our I-800A Immigration approval. It's the last piece of our dossier, and is 100% out of our hands now. We are waiting to receive a request for our fingerprints from USCIS (US Immigration), which is the last step towards approval. Once we submit our finger prints, we have to wait for our final approval from them, which will be mailed to us. Once we receive it, we will have it authenticated by the State of Colorado, and over-nighted to our placing agency up in Utah, who will then send all of our originals to Washington DC so the State Department can authenticate on the federal level, and then have them couriered to the Chinese Embassy for their authentication, at which point we can finally send the dossier to China. Please pray for all of this to be processed quickly. If this takes longer than the second week in December, we will have to pay more money (long story short- they need everything authenticated by the Chinese Embassy before a certain time frame, or we would have to start over with a number of the documents).

2) Please pray for the decision makers of the grant agencies. We've submitted 12 of the 16 eligible grants we could qualify for. 2 of them don't allow you to submit until after receiving final approval from immigration, until you're only 3-4 months out from travel (we are currently about 7-8 months out from travel). The other remaining 2 have application fee's. We are waiting to submit the grant applications with the fee's until we see the decisions from the grants without application fee's. There are so many people trying to adopt, who are relying on the generosity of grant agencies (ourselves included). Will you join me in praying for clarity of mind and wisdom in their generosity? We are praying that they can see our need, and select us in their processes.

Our sweet friends and families, thank you for joining alongside us in this journey. Caroline may be Kris and my daughter, but she's ALL OF OUR girl. That's an incredible feeling, and such a joy.

 

Happy Weekend :)

Just an Update!

No cute or clever titles today- it is what it is- a little update :)

First off, thank you so much to everyone who has contributed so far to our first fundraiser. We are selling t-shirts for our girl, and so far, we've raised over $500 in three days. We are blown away by the generosity of friends and family from all over our country, from every point in our lives. Thank you.

Currently, we are in full blown grant application mode...

My sweet parents were visiting for the past five days, and it was such a joy to have family here, seeing our home and our community first hand. The weather was beautiful, so we were able to really show everything we have fallen in love with out here- and the beauty that surrounds us daily. It was so hard to drop them off yesterday, but luckily, we were meeting with our social worker literally ten minutes after I got home so we could sign off on the FINAL COPY OF OUR HOME STUDY, which I've just been counting down for, so that softened the goodbye a little :) Yay!!!

She gave us the green light to start requesting our home study summaries for our grant applications, so this whole afternoon I've been knee deep in the first five grant applications with the closest deadlines. Lord-willing, we can have everything submitted by their Oct 31st/Nov 1st deadlines with a little bit of wiggle room.

THAT is a major answer to prayer.

We have seen God's faithfulness and provision so much. In addition to the tax refund we are receiving back from the IRS (I posted previously how they tried to come after us for more money from a long time ago, only to discover we were actually over taxed and they are now sending us an additional refund- WOOT!), Kris was approached by our neighbor who is a PA at an allergy clinic to participate in an allergy study since his allergies have gotten so much worse since moving out here... and it pay's $400! I know it's not a TON, but guys, we are seeing these decent amounts coming in really unexpected ways, and we're able to be reminded so frequently of God's faithfulness.

Today in church, we were singing the song "The Lord Our God" by Kristian Stanfill, and oh my heart. One verse just struck my like I'd never ever heard it before:

"Promise maker, promise keeper
You finish what You begin
Our provision through the desert
You see it through 'til the end"

GUYS. We've had God's promises on post-it notes throughout our house through this process, but somehow, I find myself still wondering if He's going to provide. What an awesome reminder this morning that our God will not leave us hanging in this- He finishes what He begins, and He see's it through 'til the end. Oh how thankful I am for that.

Anyway, just a little update.

Here are some ways you can pray for us if you are willing:

1) Continue to pray for Caroline's little body and mind: pray that she will continue to see progress in her therapies, and that God would lay His hand on her little body. Please specifically pray for her to see an increase in mobility between now and when we meet her in approximately seven short months! If she doesn't, God is still good, and she is still so precious and valuable... But for her sake we are committing to pray this over her. Will you join us? Pray that we would be prepared to care for her, no matter the level of mobility.

2) Please pray that these grant applications will not go out in vain. Pray that God would soften the hearts of the decision makers to understand where we are, where we need to be, and that they would see our heart and commitment to our precious girl.

3) Will you pray for generous hearts towards our adoption fundraiser? Truthfully, fundraising is one of the hardest parts of this adoption. The minute you start to fundraise, you start being put under a microscope and every decision you make is scrutinized further. I struggle with this, and we are trying so hard to make disciplined decisions- will you also pray that we can look for the approval from our Heavenly Father rather than from man?

Lastly, if you haven't yet, please check out our awesome t-shirts. We'd love to have pictures of everyone who has one with our girl when she finally gets home! If you do feel inclined to purchase a shirt, please make sure to PM me with your size and shipping address :)

 https://www.gofundme.com/sweet-caroline-help-bring-her-home-2u5r998c

We are just so thankful for every one of you friends who are rallying side by side with us, encouraging us, and cheering us along the way. We would get so tired and discouraged without you.

You're the best. :)

While We Wait

This process has SO MUCH WAITING. For a control freak like me, this is probably the most difficult part. I can hardly wrap my mind around the waiting and the unknowns at this point. The weirdest part in adoption versus giving birth is the amount of unknowns time-wise. You just know when you're pregnant that you have a due date, and most likely, the doctor's won't let you go too far past that due date.

 

In adoption, there are SO MANY dates that you're waiting on, and it's a total moving timeline since every date is contingent on another date or step coming to completion. I mentioned previously that we are waiting on getting our home study back from the State of Colorado so we can send in all of our grant info. Once we get that done, we can send in our request to US Immigration for approval to bring a child home, which is the last piece of our dossier that we need to send in on my thirtieth birthday, and we will send the piles and piles of grant applications in:

I have no idea how people apply to grants when they have a job. Thankfully, I've spent the last month working on grant applications almost every naptime. It is SO. MUCH. WORK. We have spent so much time and energy on these. Will you please pray over these with us, that they do NOT go out in vain? That God would lay our family and our girl on the decision makers hearts and provide through these grant agencies?

 

I don't even feel like it would be wise to start fundraising yet- we've applied for a couple matching grants, and if those are awarded, we'd love to see if some of the fundraising events would be willing to contribute to that matching grant... we want to be good stewards of every single opportunity and penny raised, so we want to wait until we have the ability to move forward wisely with fundraising with friends and family.

 

So what do we do while we are waiting? We're trying to live and enjoy life. A family at our church went through this same process, and it was so refreshing to speak with her. She confirmed exactly what I've been feeling: this process is all consuming. When you're in the middle of it, it's always on your mind, and there's this hole everywhere you look because you're just waiting for that child that you know is on the other side of the world just waiting for you too.

 

Keegan has definitely noticed the "crunch" on our budget as we're putting every extra penny towards this adoption. He mentioned to me this week that we should "still do some fun things." He was so right, and I was so convicted. Not everything is expensive, but with a family of five it adds up. It's important to do some fun things, even if we have to spend some money to do so.

 

So today, instead of the normal basement closet fort building:

We decided to head over to a nearby pumpkin patch after church. And it was SO FUN!

It's been over a year since we last visited a pumpkin patch, and oh my how these dollies have grown. Such big, and precious boys.

They got balloon animals (which Bennett popped as soon as they were back in the car)...

And balloon swords...

Jumped it out on the jump pad...

And relaxed in pools of corn. Bennett even snuck some of this corn into the petting zoo to feed the animals :)

 

These boys are truly some of the best, and most loving people I know. I am so excited for them to have a sister and experience this whole process along with us. It's so cool to see how their (Keegan especially) compassion is increasing, and their are thinking of Caroline all the time. We walk through Target, and Keegan is no longer desperate for things to buy for himself; he walks around pointing out things he thinks we need to get for our sister.

 

The other night, Keegan was very concerned about Caroline...

 

Keegan: Mom? Does she know she's ours? What if someone else buys her first?

Me: First, we don't buy people. It's just a very expensive process because it takes a lot of work to adopt. SHE doesn't cost a lot of money, the work to bring her home costs a lot of money. And no, she doesn't know, but the people in China that handle adoptions already knows that she's ours.

Keegan: BUT WHAT IF SOMEONE BUYS HER FIRST?! Why can't we just pay now, and bring her home?

 

Oh sweet dolly.

 

This has already provided so many opportunities for conversations. We've talked about how God makes everyone different, and that no one is any better or worse than anyone else just because they're different. We've been able to talk about her birth family, and the tough choices they had to make for her. They're heavy, heavy things, but they're gospel things, and I definitely don't think a child is ever too young to be privy to such information that allows their hearts and minds to grow in compassion and mercy and grace.

 

When I was a little girl, I wanted a dollhouse... Bad. You know, the ones you see that have lights inside, and fancy Victorian décor? My dad bought one for me one weekend I was at his apartment, but for one reason or another, it sat unbuilt under my bed there forever.

 

So my mom and I saved, and bought our own kit, and together, both totally clueless on how to build anything, we build the dollhouse. It's super precious to me, and my mom saved it, and gave it to me a couple of years back. I was a little irritated to have it- I had all sons! I didn't need a dollhouse. Now, I'm so thankful to have it. This week, while Kris traveled, Keegan, Benny and I worked to repaint the dollhouse. We decided to use all of the leftover paint from OUR house to repaint the outside of the dollhouse so they would match. We even added OUR address onto it, and we couldn't be more excited to give Caroline her dollhouse when she comes home:

 

 

And just for good measure, here's this little cheeser, who started posing, completely unprompted with the finished product!

 

 

 

Anyway, we are waiting, and resting and trusting. I'll update again soon, hopefully with some progress regarding moving forward with the things listed above. Thanks so much for joining us on this journey!

 

And just to see you off, here's another picture of the cutest girl I know:

 

 

A Little Braggin' on The Big Guy (Upstairs) ;)

Well, we've officially seen God's hand confirming this process in some of the most awesome and unexpected ways.

One of our major concerns was that some of the major grant funds that we qualify for have their final application deadline for the year October 31/November 1. We were praying and praying that our home study would be completed in time for us to apply. I fretted, worried, and lost sleep. We had paid our home study fee, and provided every single document they needed before they even needed it... but still waited and waited (it was probably only 2-3 weeks, but when you're on a tight timeline, it felt like FOREVER) to hear from our social worker.

Back in Michigan, when we were working on the home study in our previous adoption process it took four months. FOUR MONTHS. Our home study agency out here gave a timeframe of 8-10 weeks. To say I was skeptical would be an understatement.

Two weeks ago I heard from our social worker for the first time.

She came for her first appointment three days later, and her second (5 hour long!) appointment exactly a week later.

GUYS. She freaking spent the ENTIRE next day writing our home study.

She emailed me at 7:00AM with some questions, and then called me at 8:00PM to let me know that it was DONE. She was sending it to our agency the next morning for review. WHAT?! People, let me tell you- this DOES. NOT. HAPPEN. All adoption/foster momma's- can I get an amen?!! It just doesn't.

When we spoke that evening after she completed it, I couldn't stop thanking her. "Promise me you won't tell anyone else who I'm doing the home study for. This doesn't happen. It was some fluke in the universe that I had no clients today, and the appointment I was supposed to have cancelled at the last minute." I KNOW WHY IT HAPPENED! Not a fluke in the universe, friend. It was intentionally done by OUR God, whose mighty hand is controlling this entire stinkin' process.

What a reminder of HIS faithfulness!

I've had Philippians 4:19 on a post-it note on our refrigerator for about a year and a half...

"And the same God who takes care of me will supply ALL of your needs from His glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus." He does!

Next to that, we've had Luke 1:37 posted on our fridge since starting the adoption process this time around: "For no word from God will ever fail."

What truth.

He promised to supply our needs. We haven't applied for the grants yet, as we are still waiting for the state of Colorado to approve it through the one agency they have determined has that authority, which is Lutheran Family Services (should be about 1-2 weeks) but all of these recent occurrences have reminded us that God is the one in control, and WILL provide. Whether we can see it immediately or not.

And now, today, we received another major reminder of God's faithfulness:

Right after we committed to adopting Caroline, we received a letter in the mail from the IRS. They were requesting more information from 2014, and tried saying we OWED $7500. That's SO much money, especially when you just committed to adopt internationally when that alone was a stretch. I about died. Again, lost a ton of sleep, and cried, and fretted.

I knew they were incorrect, but mind you, I'm no tax expert, nor am I a master record keeper. I tracked down as much as I could, sat on hold for hours with the IRS, and I compiled the best argument I could as why they were incorrect. In the end, I was pretty sure were actually OVER-taxed (seems like a stretch, huh?)...

GUYS. They agreed. We found out today that rather than paying any more, they are sending us a REFUND. WHAT?!?! Again, when does the IRS say, oops, our bad?!?!? THEY DON'T! If the IRS hadn't contacted us with an exorbitant bill, I would have never researched further and we would not be receiving this refund back, which will be such a great contribution towards this adoption. We're just so overwhelmed with the active ways that we have seen God's hand moving in this adoption, and our finances. It's beyond divine.

Thank you for your prayers. We've felt them covering us, and we've seen the effectiveness. Keep them coming, friends! Know how pivotal they are in bringing our girl home. You are a gift to us, and we are so blessed to rally along side of you all in bringing our sweet girl home.

The Lies that Bind

GUYS.

You have been so encouraging and kind and we have been totally blown away by everyone's gracious responses to our announcement yesterday. Thank you so much.

Would you believe that I've had that post written and in my unpublished section for over a month? I have been terrified to "announce" it. The fear has mostly been based in a lie. That lie was that people would not be supportive of our journey- that perhaps people would be more critical of this, and that I would somehow jinx this if I told people too soon. What a terrible lie I was fed, and what a tragedy that fear lead our family away from sharing something so huge.

Right before I finally hit "publish" yesterday, I was shaking and nervous, but was overwhelmed by Romans 8:15... "The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear; but the spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."

AH.

Fear stinks. But you all DO NOT. You are gracious, and kind and encouraging and we love you. You're the best, and we are so excited to live freely in this adoption. Some of the most beautiful, raw, and real things come from vulnerability, and my prayer in that through our vulnerabilities and inadequacies, the name of Jesus will be glorified.

I've had some people message me asking if there's anything specifically they can be praying for, so I'm planning on sharing that right here, right now... because when it comes to prayer- the more the freaking merrier :)

1) Right now, our MAJOR prayer is for provision. We are applying to tons and tons of grants. We needs some grants or some other form of miraculous provision. Please pray for the hearts of those reviewing our grant applications to be moved towards our family.

2) Please pray for Caroline's body and mind. Her "special need" is more of a symptom rather than a specific diagnosis. Her condition could vary tremendously upon her arrival. Until we have her examined by doctors here, we don't feel comfortable elaborating more than that publicly :) However, please pray that in the meantime God would heal her brain and body, and that she would show incredible improvement between now and when we bring her home.

3) Lastly, please pray that through our  journey, another family might be moved to adopt. There are SO MANY CHILDREN in this world who need a family. Pray that God lays adoption on other families hearts.

There was so much about the adoption journey that I was clueless about. Kris and I have already said that if we adopt again, it will seem SO MUCH easier the second time around. This process is like learning a whole new language (in addition to the little bit of Mandarin that we are working on!). It's so exciting and interesting, especially to those who are thinking about adopting too. I'll work on a post sometime in the next couple of days to share what OUR process has looked like up until now, and into the near future.

Thank you again for your kindness and support.

I once read something along the lines of, "As you move around you leave a little bit of your heart wherever you go, and your heart will remain in each one of those places, so you can never be fully home (okay, that was SUPER paraphrased and horribly expressed, but you get it! HA!)." The outpouring of love from everyone from ALL OVER THE FREAKING COUNTRY AND WORLD is baffling. My home is wherever you all are. What a gift and a joy.

Karolkiewicz Party of Six... Announcing #4!

Well, friends... It's time to officially share some of the most exciting news we've ever had. Quite a few of you already know, and have been a tremendous encouragement and support to us, and to those of you who don't already know- don't take it personally- we've been keeping it relatively quiet until we were a little further along... But without further adeu...

We have seen her face, and our daughter is truly one of the most fantastically beautiful and precious children I've had the pleasure to lay my eyes on... Even just through a screen. 

This is a work that God started on my heart when I was nine years old in Miss Bosch's third grade class. She read us the story of Gladys Alyward, the missionary to China who saved hundreds of Chinese orphans during World War II. I started writing stories of the little girl I would adopt from China and even had the Asian American Girl Bitty Baby (I still have both!). 

Life got crazy, and I began to struggle with anxiety. Since China prohibited people struggling with ANY type of mental health disorder from adopting (despite the level of severity) we moved on from the China idea and began focusing on adopting an older child from the foster care system... But then we received our surprise Smith Wyatt and that got halted mid process.

Soon after Smith was born we realized we'd be moving across the country, away from our support system, and just knew we were not equipped for foster care/adoption at this time. We knew we were called to adopt, so we decided to let God lead us to adopt how and where He wanted us to.

In February, we flew over Haiti on our way to Kris' company's president's club trip, and I started thinking about the orphans on that island alone. I knew international adoption would require some long term planning financially, so I called around to help us narrow down the program we were interested in so we could start to plan.

On that very first call, the social worker explained that she thought we would actually be best suited to adopt from China. I was so, so confused and reminded her that I struggle with anxiety therefore wasn't eligible to adopt from China (come on lady- get it together! ha!). Imagine my surprise when she explained that actually China had recently overturned that, and now those with mild, controlled anxiety were eligible... Just in time for my 29.5 birthday- the youngest age you are even allowed to apply to a China program.

Kris came home from work and definitely got the same goosebumps I did when I shared my conversation with the social worker, and we just knew that the same God who called my little nine year old self to adopt a daughter from China in Miss Bosch's classroom, was the same God who was opening every door and pointing so clearly to this path for our family. 

That week, during my devotions I was so overwhelmed that EVERYTIME Jesus called someone to follow where He led, they were supposed to go immediately. I fact, those who tried to go "get ready" to follow him were actually condemned. That Sunday, our church's youth pastor spoke and said "if the Bible tells us as Christians to do something, you don't have to take time to pray about whether or not it's Gods will for you." Okay, God, we got it :)

We found her quickly. Her face was familiar to us- like we already knew her. Her medical file didn't scare us. She is 1.5 right now- 7 months older than Smith. Her birth mom and I were both pregnant at the same time for a few months, and something about that warms my heart, and gives me this weird, wonderfully emotional connection to her birth mom. 

So here we are, working our butts off chasing paper for our home study and dossier, selling everything we can possibly sell to raise money, and will be applying for as many grants as possible, as soon as our home study is finished.

So what can you do?

Pray. Pray for this girl. Caroline Mercy- who I have never met in person but already love more than I have ever imagined possible.

Pray for her foster parents. Pray for her therapists and doctors. Pray for her heart.

Pray for our family. Pray for provision.

Lastly, our current need is for (non-family) friends who are willing to be a personal reference for some of our many grant applications we are in the process of completing. If you would be willing, we would SO appreciate it. Please just let me know in the comments, or email me directly at: amanda.karolkiewicz@gmail.com, and I will let you know what information we will need from you. We have so many applications and don't want to burn out the same people over and over again :)

My goal is to keep everyone up to date during this journey via this blog. I know adoption is scary and not everyone's calling, and I also know that if we could just share some of our journey, maybe God might work on someone else's heart to encourage them to love who Jesus loved, how Jesus loved them, through adoption. 

Thanks for reading, friends! What a journey this will be!

To our Sweet Caroline- good times never seemed so good. :)

Back Home and Back Home

Well, we survived. We spent about 45 hours in the car last week driving to Michigan, around Michigan and back to Colorado... With all three kids in the car, and SURVIVED. Praise the Sweet Lord Jesus, because I wasn't quite sure if we'd make it.

It was so good to be "back home" for the week, but it is just as good to be back to our home here in Colorado after 10 days away. We missed our family- so it was sweet to spend time- no matter how spread thin our time there was.

Prior to our trip back, Keegan asked over and over and over again if we could drive past our old house. When the time came, however, he actually decided he just wanted to get to Grandma Barb and Papa Bill's house instead of taking the detour. When we finally arrived back home to Castle Rock, Keegan came skipping into the kitchen saying "I really missed our house while we were in Michigan, Mom!" What a comfort. I've wondered if he was really okay out here, since he had clung so tightly to our old house, and talked about it all the time. So precious to know that he loves this home too. 

Thank you, thank you to our dear families for their generosity to us in our travels. We love you so, miss you already, and can't wait until we see you next!

To our amazing community here in Castle Rock- thank you for making this home so quickly. What a joy to have your friendships to come home to!