With baited breath, and from our knees, we thank you...

A mighty fortress is our God,
a bulwark never failing;
our helper he amid the flood
of mortal ills prevailing.
For still our ancient foe
doth seek to work us woe;
his craft and power are great,
and armed with cruel hate,
on earth is not his equal.

Did we in our own strength confide,
our striving would be losing,
were not the right man on our side,
the man of God's own choosing.
Dost ask who that may be?
Christ Jesus, it is he; 

The Lord of Hosts, his name,
from age to age the same,
and he must win the battle.

We are humbled. Today we received the most blessed news from our placing agency, and I have been almost sick to my stomach all afternoon with joy, gratitude and humility.

I don't know who I can thank, or how I can even find the words to express it...

But whoever the two anonymous donors are who sent the checks allowing us TO BE FULLY FUNDED.... Thank you. We are grateful yesterday, today and always. There are no words in the dictionary to convey our gratitude. 

There's no joy like knowing that God has used the generosity and grace of others to allow His face to shine on our family, our on precious Caroline. Every single one of you who has lifted us in prayer, who has offered a word of encouragement, who has given so generously, YOU are the face of Jesus to our family. You have offered us the most tangible reminders of the Gospel- you have reminded us so amazingly that we were once orphaned, but the God of the universe pursued us while we were still sinners; He sought us out, and made us His children.

Our girl. She is ours, and now we have no question that we will be able to bring her home.

Thanks to you, we can now rest, and watch, and "wait on the Lord." We can see His plan revealed in His glorious timing.

May I confess something?

I felt God calling me in November to start praying for full funding by Christmas. I was fully aware that this was beyond lofty, and totally outrageous. I started praying, though.

Between November and December, He provided.

But not on my time.

I prayed He would allow us to be fully funded by Christmas. When Christmas came, and I literally got only $4 on scratch offs (my last hope at being fully funded by Christmas) I cried to Him. I questioned His voice. I doubted His plan. Call me Doubting-Mandy, because friends, I doubted... HARD.

He allowed us to be fully funded by December 27. May I state- I'm confident that His purpose was to remind us that HE is in control, and NOT me. I don't get to boss the God of the Universe around by giving Him my timelines. He will hear my cry, and He will answer my cry, and He will do it well, but in His time.

In one month...

$6500 in 3 Grants
$3000 in a Covenant Loan
$9100 in generous gifts from friends, family and anonymous donors

I DIE.

There's something else we learned this week.

See those Chinese Characters? That's our daughter's name.

I didn't understand that you had to search the actual characters, and not the English alphabet spelling. It came up that THIS is what her name means. I had been wrong all the times I googled- for a time I thought her name meant punctual. Now we know, when those workers looked in the face of our precious, abandoned four month old baby girl, they saw Grace.

I feel like this is kind of a big deal, and this is why. In China, most children who are abandoned are given a name without meaning. Their names often reflect their finding place, or the street the orphanage is on, etc. However, these workers looked on our girl and saw grace.

So in light of that, we are officially changing her name. She is no longer going to be Caroline Mercy, but Caroline Grace.

We are so blessed, and we are so grateful.

Thank you.

A Little (Big) Immigration and Funding Update

Hi All!

What a fantastic day. We have all been fighting a nasty sinus infection/ear infection the past couple of weeks, and it's easy to start to feel frustrated and a little saddened during this holiday season away from family. However, we have seen God's faithfulness so tremendously lately... Especially today!

First, we made it to our USCIS Biometrics appointment this afternoon (come hell, or high water- we were going to be there on time- sick or not). We are all set- now, we wait. Please join us in praying for a quick immigration approval, speedy mail and a smooth authentication process so we can get everything needed in our dossier sent to China ASAP!

The big boys, "patiently" waiting at USCIS. The appointment went much quicker than we anticipated when we first got there. Keegan ran all over (as we hollered at him to stay by us) and Bennett watched his show, and pretended to sleep :)

This one fell asleep on the way there, so he was a little peach in his stroller the whole time we were there. Ah, he's a dolly, that's for sure. 

Lastly- If you recall, we have been boldly praying to be fully funded by Christmas. We are not QUITE there, but by God's grace, we have gotten within spittin' distance! Friends!!!! He is SO faithful- may we NEVER question His faithfulness. He is good, and He is the only one who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine (Eph 3:20).

Here's a quick update on the grants we've applied for and the current decision:

One17 Foundation- No grant awarded. No notification received.

Sowing Roots- No grant awarded.

Rollstone Foundation- No grant awarded.

National Adoption Foundation- No grant awarded. No notification received. $25 minimum donation (you can cancel your ongoing donation after the first one when applying).

Trusting Him Grant Foundation- No grant awarded. Rec'd email notification that they didn't have enough funding to assist, but requested to keep our application on file for the next decision.

Bowen Zacapa England Grant Foundation- This is a PRIVATE grant foundation through our placing agency and we were awarded $2500 ! Woo-hoo! We rec'd notification via email from our agency. The family funding the grant sends the funds directly to our agency.

Lifesong for Orphans- Just this morning, we received a call from our advocate, Carol, at Lifesong for Orphans. She excitedly let us know, that although we were not awarded a matching grant, they approved us for a $3000 interest free, payment free covenant loan. I was confused- I didn't know how these worked- essentially, they require NO payment until a year after our daughter comes home, when it is due in FULL. Thankfully, we can use our 2018 tax refund (adoption tax credit) to pay this back. Yay!

Families Outreach- And then, just when we thought today couldn't get any better, we received an email while we were standing in line at our immigration appointment this afternoon, that Families Outreach was awarding us a $1000 adoption grant! The grant is being sent directly to our placing agency to cover fees.

Never Alone Foundation- STILL PENDING. Decision will be reached in JANUARY.

Show Hope- STILL PENDING. Lord willing, we should hear from them in JANUARY also. This is one of the largest adoption grant foundations, but they are still not able to award every applicant a grant to assist with their adoption expenses. We hope and pray that we are awarded a Show Hope grant- they are one of the few grant agencies that allow you to use the grant monies towards travel expenses.

JSC Foundation- STILL PENDING. Again, this is another major grant agency in the adoption world. We should hear on a decision THIS MONTH. Still praying so hard for the decision makers at JSC. They receive a TON of applications, and it would be such a burden to have to determine who they're able to award grants to, and who're they're not able to assist (they state they're only able to award about 50% of applicants).

Kids for Kyla- STILL PENDING. They state on their website that applicants will receive written notification either way within 10 days after the committee's decision (however, the committee met on November 17). I'm praying that the lack of response is good news verses bad news. I will reach out after Christmas if we haven't received notification.

We have four more completed grant applications, that we have not yet mailed in. They have application fees, and I don't want to submit anymore applications with fee's until we receive all notifications on the submitted grant applications without fees. Lord willing, we will be fully funded WITHOUT having to submit application fees.

This world has so many devastating things happening in it. My heart is broken for Aleppo, and all the pain and sickness around the world. I feel a bit selfish praying for additional funding in light of all the tragedy in the world. But, if you wouldn't mind, after lifting up these tragedies before the throne, will you please join me in praying boldly for FULL FUNDING by Christmas? We are SO close!

Thanks so much for your continued prayers and support for our family. Thank you for joining us on this journey!

A Little Closer

One week from right now, our USCIS Biometrics appointment will be HISTORY! I called first thing Monday morning, and found out when our appointment time is, and then received the confirmation letter the very next day:

WOOOHOOO! I love progress! Please join us in praying for a quick, quick, quick approval after this appointment. We're coming down to the wire regarding when we need to have everything to China before our "pre-approval" for adopting Caroline is up, and there are some hoops to jump through prior to being able to send everything, and there may be more delays with the holidays coming up.

Yesterday, Keegan came home with all of the presents he bought from the Christmas Shop at his school. He was SO proud. I was even PROUDER when from his bag of goodies, Keegan pulled out a little toy and announced, "Look what I got for CAROLINE!" GUYS... I didn't even put her name on his shopping list. He was spending his own money, and since she's not here yet, I didn't include her on the envelope. IMMEDIATE TEARS. I bawled my eyeballs out.

I've said it before, and will say it again: I'm most impressed by our kids selflessness that we are seeing through this adoption. They totally understand having to save money and are thinking of her all the time. So proud of these puppies.

On a side note regarding these puppies... GUYS. Smith has experienced Cheetos for the first time this week, and is a Cheeto maniac. He doesn't stop. He's normally super, super crabby after nap, but the minute you whip out some Cheetos, the boy is all freaking smiles. LOVE!

Anyway, no other news other than that on the adoption front. Again, please join us in praying for a quick approval from immigration. Also, please continue to pray for our funding. So far, we're still at one approved grant, and six declined grants. Every grant agency has been so gracious, and have reminded us that it doesn't have to do with our family or application, but has been solely based on the fact that there is limited funding, and they had to award to more urgent placements. We still have quite a few outstanding grant applications that we're praying over..."And if not, He is still good," Daniel 3:18.

We are so confident that God is doing some big things. We have seen His provision beyond our imagination the past few months through unexpected financial provision, through the generosity of you all, and are sure we will continue to see Him move until Caroline is home, and long after!

Psalm 5:3- In the morning, LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly.

Updating and Dreaming

Good news: two days after my last post immigration cashed our check, and two days later I received our receipt in the mail! Praise the Lord- seriously, progress feels SO good in this process. 

Next, we have to wait USCIS (Immigration) to mail us the date/time of our Biometrics appointment. Luckily, when you're adopting from a Hague Convention country, they don't make you wait in "line" to be handled by an agent. Lord willing, our application is currently on the desk of our immigration agent, who is also just waiting on our appointment. Once that appointment is done, we will be holding our breathe, eagerly awaiting our approval... once it's here, I'm driving straight downtown to have that puppy authenticated at the Secretary of State, and overnighting it to our placing agency so we can get that dossier to China (or DTC in adoption terms)! Please be praying for speed in this process.

Now for the bummer news: we've received word from four more grant agencies, and none of them decided they were able to assist in our adoption. I am a super sensitive person, and my heart is just prone to taking things personally, so I have to fight myself to not wonder if I said something wrong, or what it was that WE did that made them decide to help other families. I literally spent hours upon hours working on these grant apps, so I suppose it's natural to lean towards those feeling when you put such effort into them. I'm finding that these moments require the most self talk for me, to remind myself of the other precious children that WILL be awarded financial assistance to come home. I have to remind myself consistently that perhaps their health condition is more urgent or fatal than Caroline's, rather than just chronic. 

This Sunday we had a guest speaker at church, and his message couldn't be more applicable to our hearts during this process. It's so easy to become ungrateful for the gifts God has already given us, and simply focus on what else we want or need. Then he said, "We're given limits so we reach for the limitless God." 

Whew.

It was exactly what I needed to hear, and has become my mantra this week- with each declination letter/email that comes: God is limitless. He will provide how He sees fit. He cares for the fatherless and orphaned far, far more than any human heart or mind can fathom. 

 

 

 

Now onto another good thing: last night I had my first "Gotcha Day" dream. With all of my boys, my pregnancies all became so much more real with my first labor dream. I woke up so excited to be dreaming of picking her up. It wasn't stressful, or scary- I dreamed we were standing, having our picture taken before she came into the room. Unfortunately, I woke up before I dream-met her. But it was so exciting and made it feel SO real in the best ways. 

 

Lastly, today we are having our Usborne Book Fundraiser. If you're interest, click HERE and make sure to select our fundraiser at check out.

Thank you so much for reading, for supporting us, and for praying for us. Please continue to lift this process up, and our funding up to our limitless God. 

"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever." Ephesians 3:20-21

Happy Birthday, Sweet Caroline: Turning Two!

Today our baby girl turns two.

It's such a melancholy day for us. Her life has already brought our family so much joy, just knowing WHO she is, without even meeting her yet. We pray, and hope and pray again that today (and everyday!) she is made to feel just as special and celebrated as she so deserves to be.

Selfishly, I'm sad that I can't be with her on her day. I hate not knowing if she's getting a cake, or what her favorite flavor ice cream will be, or see her open any presents. I so wish I could be a fly on the wall of her foster home- today especially! This year, her birthday will have to be celebrated thousands of miles apart, eating a cake over here in celebration of her life, that is beyond valuable, and hoping that by the grace of God that this will be her last birthday not being with her family.

Today my heart hurts for her birth momma. Granted, we don't for sure know that her birthday is November 21 exactly, but we do know it's near today. I'm sure her birth mom's heart is so sore this month especially. Will you pray for her, that God would comfort her heart today and always?

Happy Birthday to our Sweet, Sweet Caroline. She's already changed our hearts and world, and we are confident that she's just getting started. We eagerly anticipate what this year brings, our precious girl. We love you more than we ever imagined loving someone we've never met before, and are blessed to have the honor to call you our daughter.

"I love you forever, I like you for always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be."



 PS: As a quick update: Still no news on our immigration paperwork. Our check has still not been cashed (almost 4 weeks later- they typically cash it within 5-10 business days), and unfortunately just calling to find out if they've even received our application is not as easy as it sounds. They require an email to the processing facility, who will email you back within FIFTEEN BUSINESS DAYS. This is getting beyond frustrating. Please pray for this part of the process. Nothing else can move forward until we receive this approval.

On Friday, we went to try and apply for Smith's passport for travel. We went to two different locations (with the snow, with three boys), only to be told we needed to come back due to some inaccurate information we had previously received. I was so frustrated I literally started crying at the County Clerks office. SO EMBARASSING. We ended up coming home, and I went upstairs and sat in Caroline's pile of "stuff" in our bedroom (her room won't be set up until we are closer to travel), and I just cried. In this process, you just want to keep seeing movement. No movement and no answers are SO frustrating. Please just pray for patience on our end.

Praying my next update will have some good news to report :)

Thanks for joining us, celebrating with us, and loving us well. Thank you for being the friends and family that let us talk about this process, and let us cry about the stress. You are all so, so good. I cannot let this Thanksgiving week pass without acknowledging that YOU (all) are such gifts to us, and we couldn't be more thankful for you.

Another Update!

Hi Everyone!

Just an update for you all in regards to Caroline's adoption for those who are following along...

We're having to learn to become more flexible with every passing day. Our original goal was that we would have DTC (Dossier to China) by my 30th birthday on November 13. That day has come and gone, and we are no closer.

There is still no news in regards to the I-800A Immigration approval. Our home study agency mailed in the application the end of October, and per USCIS, they typically cash checks within 5-10 business days. Unfortunately, here we are on November 15 and it still hasn't been cashed. I feel like I'm struggling to get answers from anyone, so we pray that this is all just God setting us up in His perfect timing, for His perfect plan to come to completion.

Having things out of my control is really, really hard during this process. It's so urgent to us, but there's also so many adoptive parents around the world, all advocating on behalf of their child, trying so hard to emphasize the urgency of each specific situation.

However, on a positive note: we have been praying boldly that God would perform a miracle, and we would be fully funded by Christmas. That is SUCH a bold prayer, and may be far fetched, but we serve a powerful God, who LOVES the fatherless and orphaned, and LOVES to do things that are only able to be attributed to Him and His faithfulness. By His grace, we heard back from the first grant agency last week, and we have been approved for a $2500 grant! How cool! We now find ourselves only about $9500 away from being FULLY funded (including the approximate cost of travel)! Please continue to pray over our grant applications and the decision makers, and join us in boldly asking God to provide for us to be fully funded by Christmas.

Also please continue to pray for our immigration approval. Please pray for it to reach the right hands, and to be processed quickly, and for us to have peace in God's timing.

Thank you so much for joining along with us on this journey. We have been overwhelmed by your kindness, graciousness and support. You're (all) the best.

The Hardest Part

I've been trying to find rest during this stage of the adoption process, but it is hard. I've been trying to have faith in God's provision, in His time.

You all have blessed us tremendously with your financial, emotional and physical support to our family as we chase after Jesus and His plan to bring Caroline home. You have donated money, let us talk, and have even watched our kids for us as we do "stuff" for this adoption. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You have been tangible reminders for us of God's continued hand on this process, and for that we are so very thankful.

If you haven't purchased a shirt yet and would like to, click here and follow through to our GoFundMe. All you have to do is make a minimum $25 donation, and either email or PM me via Facebook or Instagram your size(s) and mailing address and I will order them all together at the end of the campaign.

Adoption is harder than I thought it would be. We have to sacrifice a lot, and it's been a wonderful measuring stick: do I want to buy this shirt (or home decoration, etc) more than I want to bring Caroline home? Nope! She's helped us get our priorities straight, and has taught us to value a life more than on a possession.

My sister just had her precious baby boy a week ago (time FLIES!) and it's been so hard to not be there. I wish more than anything I was there, or were going there soon, but I've had to do a lot of self talk: Turner has a mom and dad, and a family, and is being so cared for. I can love him as much as I do as his auntie, but I am not his mom, and by the grace of God, he is safe and sound and loved. Caroline Mercy is still orphaned. It creates this urgency in me, that even when my heart so longs for "home" and the people I miss so much, this little girl's life it on the line. Thank you, God, for perspective.

The hardest part of this process so far that I've found is having to "hurry up and wait." Everything in an adoption feels urgent, but once I've completed my part, it's 100% out of my control and I need to shift gears back to waiting and resting mode, and it's SO hard to do.

We were rushing, rushing, rushing to get our home study completed so we could submit our grant applications and submit our I-800A (our request for immigration approval to bring a child into the country as our child permanently). Now that those are done, we just WAIT... and if you know me even in the slightest, you know how terrible I am at waiting. I get things DONE, and when I can't do anything it's ridiculously impossible for me to sit and twiddle my thumbs. I need to feel like I'm doing SOMETHING to speed it along, but it's teaching me so much to have to rest and wait and trust.

I keep trying to remind myself that along with praying for this process to be quick and smooth, praying for Caroline's body and mind, we've also been praying that God would prepare her to come home. So perhaps, the timing is slowing down a bit so her little heart and mind may be more ready to come home, and have a family to love her and welcome her as a beloved daughter.

Will you continue to pray for/with us? Here are a couple of ways that you can join along side us before the Throne:

1) Please pray over our I-800A Immigration approval. It's the last piece of our dossier, and is 100% out of our hands now. We are waiting to receive a request for our fingerprints from USCIS (US Immigration), which is the last step towards approval. Once we submit our finger prints, we have to wait for our final approval from them, which will be mailed to us. Once we receive it, we will have it authenticated by the State of Colorado, and over-nighted to our placing agency up in Utah, who will then send all of our originals to Washington DC so the State Department can authenticate on the federal level, and then have them couriered to the Chinese Embassy for their authentication, at which point we can finally send the dossier to China. Please pray for all of this to be processed quickly. If this takes longer than the second week in December, we will have to pay more money (long story short- they need everything authenticated by the Chinese Embassy before a certain time frame, or we would have to start over with a number of the documents).

2) Please pray for the decision makers of the grant agencies. We've submitted 12 of the 16 eligible grants we could qualify for. 2 of them don't allow you to submit until after receiving final approval from immigration, until you're only 3-4 months out from travel (we are currently about 7-8 months out from travel). The other remaining 2 have application fee's. We are waiting to submit the grant applications with the fee's until we see the decisions from the grants without application fee's. There are so many people trying to adopt, who are relying on the generosity of grant agencies (ourselves included). Will you join me in praying for clarity of mind and wisdom in their generosity? We are praying that they can see our need, and select us in their processes.

Our sweet friends and families, thank you for joining alongside us in this journey. Caroline may be Kris and my daughter, but she's ALL OF OUR girl. That's an incredible feeling, and such a joy.

 

Happy Weekend :)

Just an Update!

No cute or clever titles today- it is what it is- a little update :)

First off, thank you so much to everyone who has contributed so far to our first fundraiser. We are selling t-shirts for our girl, and so far, we've raised over $500 in three days. We are blown away by the generosity of friends and family from all over our country, from every point in our lives. Thank you.

Currently, we are in full blown grant application mode...

My sweet parents were visiting for the past five days, and it was such a joy to have family here, seeing our home and our community first hand. The weather was beautiful, so we were able to really show everything we have fallen in love with out here- and the beauty that surrounds us daily. It was so hard to drop them off yesterday, but luckily, we were meeting with our social worker literally ten minutes after I got home so we could sign off on the FINAL COPY OF OUR HOME STUDY, which I've just been counting down for, so that softened the goodbye a little :) Yay!!!

She gave us the green light to start requesting our home study summaries for our grant applications, so this whole afternoon I've been knee deep in the first five grant applications with the closest deadlines. Lord-willing, we can have everything submitted by their Oct 31st/Nov 1st deadlines with a little bit of wiggle room.

THAT is a major answer to prayer.

We have seen God's faithfulness and provision so much. In addition to the tax refund we are receiving back from the IRS (I posted previously how they tried to come after us for more money from a long time ago, only to discover we were actually over taxed and they are now sending us an additional refund- WOOT!), Kris was approached by our neighbor who is a PA at an allergy clinic to participate in an allergy study since his allergies have gotten so much worse since moving out here... and it pay's $400! I know it's not a TON, but guys, we are seeing these decent amounts coming in really unexpected ways, and we're able to be reminded so frequently of God's faithfulness.

Today in church, we were singing the song "The Lord Our God" by Kristian Stanfill, and oh my heart. One verse just struck my like I'd never ever heard it before:

"Promise maker, promise keeper
You finish what You begin
Our provision through the desert
You see it through 'til the end"

GUYS. We've had God's promises on post-it notes throughout our house through this process, but somehow, I find myself still wondering if He's going to provide. What an awesome reminder this morning that our God will not leave us hanging in this- He finishes what He begins, and He see's it through 'til the end. Oh how thankful I am for that.

Anyway, just a little update.

Here are some ways you can pray for us if you are willing:

1) Continue to pray for Caroline's little body and mind: pray that she will continue to see progress in her therapies, and that God would lay His hand on her little body. Please specifically pray for her to see an increase in mobility between now and when we meet her in approximately seven short months! If she doesn't, God is still good, and she is still so precious and valuable... But for her sake we are committing to pray this over her. Will you join us? Pray that we would be prepared to care for her, no matter the level of mobility.

2) Please pray that these grant applications will not go out in vain. Pray that God would soften the hearts of the decision makers to understand where we are, where we need to be, and that they would see our heart and commitment to our precious girl.

3) Will you pray for generous hearts towards our adoption fundraiser? Truthfully, fundraising is one of the hardest parts of this adoption. The minute you start to fundraise, you start being put under a microscope and every decision you make is scrutinized further. I struggle with this, and we are trying so hard to make disciplined decisions- will you also pray that we can look for the approval from our Heavenly Father rather than from man?

Lastly, if you haven't yet, please check out our awesome t-shirts. We'd love to have pictures of everyone who has one with our girl when she finally gets home! If you do feel inclined to purchase a shirt, please make sure to PM me with your size and shipping address :)

 https://www.gofundme.com/sweet-caroline-help-bring-her-home-2u5r998c

We are just so thankful for every one of you friends who are rallying side by side with us, encouraging us, and cheering us along the way. We would get so tired and discouraged without you.

You're the best. :)

While We Wait

This process has SO MUCH WAITING. For a control freak like me, this is probably the most difficult part. I can hardly wrap my mind around the waiting and the unknowns at this point. The weirdest part in adoption versus giving birth is the amount of unknowns time-wise. You just know when you're pregnant that you have a due date, and most likely, the doctor's won't let you go too far past that due date.

 

In adoption, there are SO MANY dates that you're waiting on, and it's a total moving timeline since every date is contingent on another date or step coming to completion. I mentioned previously that we are waiting on getting our home study back from the State of Colorado so we can send in all of our grant info. Once we get that done, we can send in our request to US Immigration for approval to bring a child home, which is the last piece of our dossier that we need to send in on my thirtieth birthday, and we will send the piles and piles of grant applications in:

I have no idea how people apply to grants when they have a job. Thankfully, I've spent the last month working on grant applications almost every naptime. It is SO. MUCH. WORK. We have spent so much time and energy on these. Will you please pray over these with us, that they do NOT go out in vain? That God would lay our family and our girl on the decision makers hearts and provide through these grant agencies?

 

I don't even feel like it would be wise to start fundraising yet- we've applied for a couple matching grants, and if those are awarded, we'd love to see if some of the fundraising events would be willing to contribute to that matching grant... we want to be good stewards of every single opportunity and penny raised, so we want to wait until we have the ability to move forward wisely with fundraising with friends and family.

 

So what do we do while we are waiting? We're trying to live and enjoy life. A family at our church went through this same process, and it was so refreshing to speak with her. She confirmed exactly what I've been feeling: this process is all consuming. When you're in the middle of it, it's always on your mind, and there's this hole everywhere you look because you're just waiting for that child that you know is on the other side of the world just waiting for you too.

 

Keegan has definitely noticed the "crunch" on our budget as we're putting every extra penny towards this adoption. He mentioned to me this week that we should "still do some fun things." He was so right, and I was so convicted. Not everything is expensive, but with a family of five it adds up. It's important to do some fun things, even if we have to spend some money to do so.

 

So today, instead of the normal basement closet fort building:

We decided to head over to a nearby pumpkin patch after church. And it was SO FUN!

It's been over a year since we last visited a pumpkin patch, and oh my how these dollies have grown. Such big, and precious boys.

They got balloon animals (which Bennett popped as soon as they were back in the car)...

And balloon swords...

Jumped it out on the jump pad...

And relaxed in pools of corn. Bennett even snuck some of this corn into the petting zoo to feed the animals :)

 

These boys are truly some of the best, and most loving people I know. I am so excited for them to have a sister and experience this whole process along with us. It's so cool to see how their (Keegan especially) compassion is increasing, and their are thinking of Caroline all the time. We walk through Target, and Keegan is no longer desperate for things to buy for himself; he walks around pointing out things he thinks we need to get for our sister.

 

The other night, Keegan was very concerned about Caroline...

 

Keegan: Mom? Does she know she's ours? What if someone else buys her first?

Me: First, we don't buy people. It's just a very expensive process because it takes a lot of work to adopt. SHE doesn't cost a lot of money, the work to bring her home costs a lot of money. And no, she doesn't know, but the people in China that handle adoptions already knows that she's ours.

Keegan: BUT WHAT IF SOMEONE BUYS HER FIRST?! Why can't we just pay now, and bring her home?

 

Oh sweet dolly.

 

This has already provided so many opportunities for conversations. We've talked about how God makes everyone different, and that no one is any better or worse than anyone else just because they're different. We've been able to talk about her birth family, and the tough choices they had to make for her. They're heavy, heavy things, but they're gospel things, and I definitely don't think a child is ever too young to be privy to such information that allows their hearts and minds to grow in compassion and mercy and grace.

 

When I was a little girl, I wanted a dollhouse... Bad. You know, the ones you see that have lights inside, and fancy Victorian décor? My dad bought one for me one weekend I was at his apartment, but for one reason or another, it sat unbuilt under my bed there forever.

 

So my mom and I saved, and bought our own kit, and together, both totally clueless on how to build anything, we build the dollhouse. It's super precious to me, and my mom saved it, and gave it to me a couple of years back. I was a little irritated to have it- I had all sons! I didn't need a dollhouse. Now, I'm so thankful to have it. This week, while Kris traveled, Keegan, Benny and I worked to repaint the dollhouse. We decided to use all of the leftover paint from OUR house to repaint the outside of the dollhouse so they would match. We even added OUR address onto it, and we couldn't be more excited to give Caroline her dollhouse when she comes home:

 

 

And just for good measure, here's this little cheeser, who started posing, completely unprompted with the finished product!

 

 

 

Anyway, we are waiting, and resting and trusting. I'll update again soon, hopefully with some progress regarding moving forward with the things listed above. Thanks so much for joining us on this journey!

 

And just to see you off, here's another picture of the cutest girl I know:

 

 

A Little Braggin' on The Big Guy (Upstairs) ;)

Well, we've officially seen God's hand confirming this process in some of the most awesome and unexpected ways.

One of our major concerns was that some of the major grant funds that we qualify for have their final application deadline for the year October 31/November 1. We were praying and praying that our home study would be completed in time for us to apply. I fretted, worried, and lost sleep. We had paid our home study fee, and provided every single document they needed before they even needed it... but still waited and waited (it was probably only 2-3 weeks, but when you're on a tight timeline, it felt like FOREVER) to hear from our social worker.

Back in Michigan, when we were working on the home study in our previous adoption process it took four months. FOUR MONTHS. Our home study agency out here gave a timeframe of 8-10 weeks. To say I was skeptical would be an understatement.

Two weeks ago I heard from our social worker for the first time.

She came for her first appointment three days later, and her second (5 hour long!) appointment exactly a week later.

GUYS. She freaking spent the ENTIRE next day writing our home study.

She emailed me at 7:00AM with some questions, and then called me at 8:00PM to let me know that it was DONE. She was sending it to our agency the next morning for review. WHAT?! People, let me tell you- this DOES. NOT. HAPPEN. All adoption/foster momma's- can I get an amen?!! It just doesn't.

When we spoke that evening after she completed it, I couldn't stop thanking her. "Promise me you won't tell anyone else who I'm doing the home study for. This doesn't happen. It was some fluke in the universe that I had no clients today, and the appointment I was supposed to have cancelled at the last minute." I KNOW WHY IT HAPPENED! Not a fluke in the universe, friend. It was intentionally done by OUR God, whose mighty hand is controlling this entire stinkin' process.

What a reminder of HIS faithfulness!

I've had Philippians 4:19 on a post-it note on our refrigerator for about a year and a half...

"And the same God who takes care of me will supply ALL of your needs from His glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus." He does!

Next to that, we've had Luke 1:37 posted on our fridge since starting the adoption process this time around: "For no word from God will ever fail."

What truth.

He promised to supply our needs. We haven't applied for the grants yet, as we are still waiting for the state of Colorado to approve it through the one agency they have determined has that authority, which is Lutheran Family Services (should be about 1-2 weeks) but all of these recent occurrences have reminded us that God is the one in control, and WILL provide. Whether we can see it immediately or not.

And now, today, we received another major reminder of God's faithfulness:

Right after we committed to adopting Caroline, we received a letter in the mail from the IRS. They were requesting more information from 2014, and tried saying we OWED $7500. That's SO much money, especially when you just committed to adopt internationally when that alone was a stretch. I about died. Again, lost a ton of sleep, and cried, and fretted.

I knew they were incorrect, but mind you, I'm no tax expert, nor am I a master record keeper. I tracked down as much as I could, sat on hold for hours with the IRS, and I compiled the best argument I could as why they were incorrect. In the end, I was pretty sure were actually OVER-taxed (seems like a stretch, huh?)...

GUYS. They agreed. We found out today that rather than paying any more, they are sending us a REFUND. WHAT?!?! Again, when does the IRS say, oops, our bad?!?!? THEY DON'T! If the IRS hadn't contacted us with an exorbitant bill, I would have never researched further and we would not be receiving this refund back, which will be such a great contribution towards this adoption. We're just so overwhelmed with the active ways that we have seen God's hand moving in this adoption, and our finances. It's beyond divine.

Thank you for your prayers. We've felt them covering us, and we've seen the effectiveness. Keep them coming, friends! Know how pivotal they are in bringing our girl home. You are a gift to us, and we are so blessed to rally along side of you all in bringing our sweet girl home.

The Lies that Bind

GUYS.

You have been so encouraging and kind and we have been totally blown away by everyone's gracious responses to our announcement yesterday. Thank you so much.

Would you believe that I've had that post written and in my unpublished section for over a month? I have been terrified to "announce" it. The fear has mostly been based in a lie. That lie was that people would not be supportive of our journey- that perhaps people would be more critical of this, and that I would somehow jinx this if I told people too soon. What a terrible lie I was fed, and what a tragedy that fear lead our family away from sharing something so huge.

Right before I finally hit "publish" yesterday, I was shaking and nervous, but was overwhelmed by Romans 8:15... "The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear; but the spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."

AH.

Fear stinks. But you all DO NOT. You are gracious, and kind and encouraging and we love you. You're the best, and we are so excited to live freely in this adoption. Some of the most beautiful, raw, and real things come from vulnerability, and my prayer in that through our vulnerabilities and inadequacies, the name of Jesus will be glorified.

I've had some people message me asking if there's anything specifically they can be praying for, so I'm planning on sharing that right here, right now... because when it comes to prayer- the more the freaking merrier :)

1) Right now, our MAJOR prayer is for provision. We are applying to tons and tons of grants. We needs some grants or some other form of miraculous provision. Please pray for the hearts of those reviewing our grant applications to be moved towards our family.

2) Please pray for Caroline's body and mind. Her "special need" is more of a symptom rather than a specific diagnosis. Her condition could vary tremendously upon her arrival. Until we have her examined by doctors here, we don't feel comfortable elaborating more than that publicly :) However, please pray that in the meantime God would heal her brain and body, and that she would show incredible improvement between now and when we bring her home.

3) Lastly, please pray that through our  journey, another family might be moved to adopt. There are SO MANY CHILDREN in this world who need a family. Pray that God lays adoption on other families hearts.

There was so much about the adoption journey that I was clueless about. Kris and I have already said that if we adopt again, it will seem SO MUCH easier the second time around. This process is like learning a whole new language (in addition to the little bit of Mandarin that we are working on!). It's so exciting and interesting, especially to those who are thinking about adopting too. I'll work on a post sometime in the next couple of days to share what OUR process has looked like up until now, and into the near future.

Thank you again for your kindness and support.

I once read something along the lines of, "As you move around you leave a little bit of your heart wherever you go, and your heart will remain in each one of those places, so you can never be fully home (okay, that was SUPER paraphrased and horribly expressed, but you get it! HA!)." The outpouring of love from everyone from ALL OVER THE FREAKING COUNTRY AND WORLD is baffling. My home is wherever you all are. What a gift and a joy.

Karolkiewicz Party of Six... Announcing #4!

Well, friends... It's time to officially share some of the most exciting news we've ever had. Quite a few of you already know, and have been a tremendous encouragement and support to us, and to those of you who don't already know- don't take it personally- we've been keeping it relatively quiet until we were a little further along... But without further adeu...

We have seen her face, and our daughter is truly one of the most fantastically beautiful and precious children I've had the pleasure to lay my eyes on... Even just through a screen. 

This is a work that God started on my heart when I was nine years old in Miss Bosch's third grade class. She read us the story of Gladys Alyward, the missionary to China who saved hundreds of Chinese orphans during World War II. I started writing stories of the little girl I would adopt from China and even had the Asian American Girl Bitty Baby (I still have both!). 

Life got crazy, and I began to struggle with anxiety. Since China prohibited people struggling with ANY type of mental health disorder from adopting (despite the level of severity) we moved on from the China idea and began focusing on adopting an older child from the foster care system... But then we received our surprise Smith Wyatt and that got halted mid process.

Soon after Smith was born we realized we'd be moving across the country, away from our support system, and just knew we were not equipped for foster care/adoption at this time. We knew we were called to adopt, so we decided to let God lead us to adopt how and where He wanted us to.

In February, we flew over Haiti on our way to Kris' company's president's club trip, and I started thinking about the orphans on that island alone. I knew international adoption would require some long term planning financially, so I called around to help us narrow down the program we were interested in so we could start to plan.

On that very first call, the social worker explained that she thought we would actually be best suited to adopt from China. I was so, so confused and reminded her that I struggle with anxiety therefore wasn't eligible to adopt from China (come on lady- get it together! ha!). Imagine my surprise when she explained that actually China had recently overturned that, and now those with mild, controlled anxiety were eligible... Just in time for my 29.5 birthday- the youngest age you are even allowed to apply to a China program.

Kris came home from work and definitely got the same goosebumps I did when I shared my conversation with the social worker, and we just knew that the same God who called my little nine year old self to adopt a daughter from China in Miss Bosch's classroom, was the same God who was opening every door and pointing so clearly to this path for our family. 

That week, during my devotions I was so overwhelmed that EVERYTIME Jesus called someone to follow where He led, they were supposed to go immediately. I fact, those who tried to go "get ready" to follow him were actually condemned. That Sunday, our church's youth pastor spoke and said "if the Bible tells us as Christians to do something, you don't have to take time to pray about whether or not it's Gods will for you." Okay, God, we got it :)

We found her quickly. Her face was familiar to us- like we already knew her. Her medical file didn't scare us. She is 1.5 right now- 7 months older than Smith. Her birth mom and I were both pregnant at the same time for a few months, and something about that warms my heart, and gives me this weird, wonderfully emotional connection to her birth mom. 

So here we are, working our butts off chasing paper for our home study and dossier, selling everything we can possibly sell to raise money, and will be applying for as many grants as possible, as soon as our home study is finished.

So what can you do?

Pray. Pray for this girl. Caroline Mercy- who I have never met in person but already love more than I have ever imagined possible.

Pray for her foster parents. Pray for her therapists and doctors. Pray for her heart.

Pray for our family. Pray for provision.

Lastly, our current need is for (non-family) friends who are willing to be a personal reference for some of our many grant applications we are in the process of completing. If you would be willing, we would SO appreciate it. Please just let me know in the comments, or email me directly at: amanda.karolkiewicz@gmail.com, and I will let you know what information we will need from you. We have so many applications and don't want to burn out the same people over and over again :)

My goal is to keep everyone up to date during this journey via this blog. I know adoption is scary and not everyone's calling, and I also know that if we could just share some of our journey, maybe God might work on someone else's heart to encourage them to love who Jesus loved, how Jesus loved them, through adoption. 

Thanks for reading, friends! What a journey this will be!

To our Sweet Caroline- good times never seemed so good. :)

Back Home and Back Home

Well, we survived. We spent about 45 hours in the car last week driving to Michigan, around Michigan and back to Colorado... With all three kids in the car, and SURVIVED. Praise the Sweet Lord Jesus, because I wasn't quite sure if we'd make it.

It was so good to be "back home" for the week, but it is just as good to be back to our home here in Colorado after 10 days away. We missed our family- so it was sweet to spend time- no matter how spread thin our time there was.

Prior to our trip back, Keegan asked over and over and over again if we could drive past our old house. When the time came, however, he actually decided he just wanted to get to Grandma Barb and Papa Bill's house instead of taking the detour. When we finally arrived back home to Castle Rock, Keegan came skipping into the kitchen saying "I really missed our house while we were in Michigan, Mom!" What a comfort. I've wondered if he was really okay out here, since he had clung so tightly to our old house, and talked about it all the time. So precious to know that he loves this home too. 

Thank you, thank you to our dear families for their generosity to us in our travels. We love you so, miss you already, and can't wait until we see you next!

To our amazing community here in Castle Rock- thank you for making this home so quickly. What a joy to have your friendships to come home to! 

His Grace Abounds

We have been here in Colorado for two months now, and can honestly say that we have endlessly seen God's grace daily.

We were recently talking with our new pastor (he and his family relocated from South Carolina) and asked how their transition was. He stated that although they're far from family, and the weather isn't always the most desirable, they came alive when they were where God wanted them... And let's all give a great big "amen", because yes, yes and yes. This is exactly how I feel here in Castle Rock. My heart misses my friends and family back home, but Kris and I were just saying the other night how we've never felt more at home someplace so quickly. That's just one of the ways that our merciful God has overwhelmed us with His goodness over the past two months.

Our new neighbors are amazing, and our Keegan has been so lonely for friends since we moved... And now we live next door to two of the kindest and friendliest little girls we could hope for. Keegan endlessly talks about his new neighbor friends, and it's made the transition so much better for my sweet big boy.

Also, I've never experienced such a friendly church as Front Range Community Church... Their mission statement is to be intentional neighbors through knowing and following Christ... And from our first Sunday there, we have been welcomed with open arms. Praise the Lord. Our kids LOVE Sunday school there, and we are so excited to become deeply involved in a community of intentional, Christ following people. 

Ah, Life is good. Why do we doubt God's goodness even when He proves his faithfulness over and over again? Anyway, just a quick update that we are still here, resting in the grace of the God who is in the details and cares about us intimately... Yay!

Welcoming Home

Well it took 13 days for us to realize this apartment living was not happening until the house was done being built...

Amid a snow storm, Kris being stranded out of state, and me being home with the three yahoos and two dogs, we quickly realized we needed breathing room.

When I first called Kris in Sacramento and told him I was looking at existing homes, I could hear the uncertainty in his voice. It took him two days back home with the snow and craziness for his eye to start twitching, and for us to have an accepted offer in on a different home, with an 30 day close agreement! 

Now we can't wait to call this fantastic house HOME in just a week and a half! 

Disregard the crappy iPhone screenshot... It's the best I can do :)

We are so so excited for this new home. It has 1000 square feet more than the home we were going to build, and a huge finished basement (so much room to do activities... Name that movie!), and room for Kris' classic car in the garage. Our choice was so quickly confirmed when we went to church the next week and already met some of our new neighbors from our new neighborhood. Whoop!!!

We have some before pics- the house is in great shape, but I love putting our own little touches on our home- so I can't wait to update with the "after" pictures.

Our new home is in an established neighborhood, closer to town, and only six minutes to Target (#whoop!). We already have Keegan registered for kindergarten (my hearttt) at the beautiful school around the corner and we're moving in just in time for Kindie Round Up!

Please pray for a smooth closing next week and a smooth move into our new Home Sweet Home! And then come to dinner, because now I have a dining room :)

Our Last Goodbyes and Send Off

Well, I let far too much time pass since my last post. Guys, heads up: this is a long, long post since so much has transpired that I need to catch up on, but truthfully, I've been putting it off because my heart is a little sad still, and we're still in the unsteady period where we are attempting to get our bearings and create a new normal and routine out here.

First let me start with these people:

My mother-in-law, father-in-law and brother-in-law came over the Saturday before we left. They came bearing all sorts of thoughtful gifts that made the goodbye sweeter.

First, each of us received a Target gift card (WHOOP, WHOOP!) to use when we got to Colorado. Keegan no longer really cared about when we were leaving, he just wanted to know what day he got to go buy a toy when we got here :)

My mother-in-law even gave us a prayer shawl that was prayed over so we could have a tangible reminder that we're always wrapped in prayer no matter where we are. My heart.

We also got two loaves of Nana's Pumpkin Bread!!!! Our favorite! Mmm! And we can't forget the Bananas from Nana!

Luckily, Tina, John and Mike came bearing the news that they are already planning a visit West! We can't wait to have visitors in May. It definitely made this goodbye easier since it turned into a "see you soon!"

The next day, my sister, brother-in-law, nephew and niece came over to clear our pantry of everything we were having to get rid of, celebrate my sister's birthday and say our goodbyes.

This day was hard.

These five have spent all their years together- best friends for sure. It breaks my heart more than words can describe to know the role we're playing in their lives is going to diminish by distance alone. It's making me cry just talking about it. FaceTime is good, but for these best friend, wrestling kids its second rate. I'm confident that the time we do get, however, will be sweeter. How could it not?! Look at those faces together! 

We had chocolate coconut cake like our granny used to make, laughed and talked a lot, and then cried a lot in the end. 

My sister is my very best friend. She and I get each other, know our roots, know our pains and our joys. It hurts that we will see each other less, but am so thankful we had that Sunday to be together- just our families. I read a quote somewhere that said something similar to: "The best gift you can give a girl is a sister," and I have to say, it's true.

We had a busy few days preparing for the movers to come on Wednesday. I will say, my type A self struggled to have someone else do all the packing, moving and lifting- especially since it's all done just the day before moving day. It was nice to sit back, but a very strange sensation. They literally pack EVERYTHING, so, so quickly. Guys, Frank packed my WIPES. My baby wipes. I had to go out and buy more wipes... But I guess at least I'll have a fresh pack when we get into the new house?! Ha!

Keegan went to school for his last day on Wednesday while the packers came. My mom came a little early so we could take off to Saint Martha's together, because....

Ta-Da! Grammy was Keegan's MYSTERY Reader at school! So fun. Grammy had given the boys "Wherever You Go My Love Will Find You" for Christmas, so she brought that to read to the class. I love little Benny sitting right up in front with Keegan's class. We sure will miss Saint Martha's and our friends we made there.Wahhh...

We came back for a quick Arby's lunch amongst the packers, then we walked through the house with the boys one last time so they could say their goodbyes. The big boys went to Grammy and Papi's for the night so they didn't have to be in the chaos of the movers any longer than necessary.

While the boys were at Grammy and Papi's, Grammy took them on a scavenger hunt to the beach, to the playground to play, played outside in the sand at the side of their house and they even made Colorado Cupcakes. Once we finally packed up the house for the last time on Thursday, Kris, Smith and I headed up north to stay for the night and take the big boys the next morning for our road trip.

Sidenote: I bawled like a baby leaving this house. I always thought I'd have all daughters, but when we were house searching, we found this house and were told that given our approved financing, we were not eligible to buy this house given rules at the time. I had the most VIVID dream of my little blonde haired, blue-eyed boy standing on this front porch wearing a backpack on his first day of school. I actually went and cried on this front porch because I saw that little boy and wanted this home. A few weeks later we got a call that the restrictions had changed and we were now able to buy this house. Only after Keegan was born did I realize that little boy in my dream was my Keegan Michael. So, so weird. I love this home and miss is already. Summer's were the best on that front porch! We are so looking forward to getting into our new home.

ANYWAY...

We had a great night with Grammy and Papi. The next morning they even woke up bright and early to give us a great big breakfast before we hit the road at 6:30 in the morning! What a send off. Nothing like my mom's sausage gravy and biscuits! 

We made our way west to Omaha that night... In my Traverse with three little boys and two dogs for ten hours... Again: Wahhh....

Anyway, we are here and adjusting. The sun has shone since Sunday, but we may be getting our first Colorado snow storm tonight... But don't worry, it should be sunny and warm all next week! 

I'll update tomorrow about our road trip and how we're settling in! 

Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers as we have journeyed West! Can't wait to update you all more soon.